Have your parents ever given you bad advice? Since nobody is perfect, I suspect you’ve probably received some sort of bad advice (financial or otherwise) from your family at some point in your life. I thought it would be fun to put together a little list of some of the “bad” advice I was given as a child and young adult.
Bad Advice You Should Ignore:
Don’t talk (or ask) about money.
I’m not sure why it’s so faux pas to talk about money, but it’s certainly a, “rule” that existed in my household. I had no idea how much money my parents made until I went to college and we filled out all the FAFSA and financial aid paperwork. Seriously! While I don’t think that a 5 year-old needs to know his parents’ gross annual salary, I do think it’s important for parents to discuss money with their children from an early age. I think having a decent understanding of how much money you’ll make in certain careers, how much money you need to live a certain lifestyle and how much things (houses, cars, groceries etc.) cost saves young adults a lot of heartache (and money mismanagement). Whether you grew up, “rich” or “poor” your parents probably wanted you to have a better life than they had. If your parents are making $20k that might be easier than if your parents are making $200k, but either way you need to know the difference and you need to be taught how hard you’ll need to work to achieve that same standard of living. Bottom line? Being tight-lipped about money doesn’t help your kids in the long-run, and it may even hurt them!
Don’t be a quitter.
“Quitters never win and winners never quit, right?” Wrong, wrong, wrong. When I was a kid I played farm league baseball for several years. I really liked playing and I really liked my coach. As I got older the girls were transitioned off the team and onto their own softball teams. I didn’t particularly like playing softball and my interest in the sport waned considerably after the transition to the girls only team. I told my mom I wanted to quit and we had many discussions about why I should, “stick it out.” She told me that I had made a commitment that I needed to honor that commitment for myself and for my teammates. Long story, short, being on the team made me miserable and my mom eventually let me quit (after months of dragging me to practices I didn’t want to attend). Life is too short to do things you hate. If you’re truly miserable, can’t find an alternative to quitting and have weighed the pros and cons of carefully, quit!
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Anybody who’s been on the planet 10 years or more knows that there are some real jerks in this world. No I don’t condone violence or treating others with disrespect, but some people are just a-holes who push you to the edge (you know the types I’m talking about!) Try to kill those people with kindness and treat them the way you want to be treated. But after a good college try, there’s no reason to continue banging your head against the wall. You did what you can, now avoid them like the plague or tell them to buzz off.
Wait your turn.
But think about how long you’re willing to wait. You might be waiting for a very long time in some situations. Sometimes you just have to take the bull, “by the horns” and take what you need. When I was working my first post-graduate job a position became available for a supervisory job. The job description stated that you needed to have an LCSW and 18 months of prior experience in the field. Although I had about 1 year of experience and I didn’t yet have the license, I informed my program director that I was interested in the job. I asked for her support and then drafted a letter to Human Resources formally requesting that I be considered for the position. The letter concisely explained why I would be the best person to continue in the role (I had been doing the job for the last 6 months while my supervisor was on maternity leave). My director, “went to bat’ for me and about a month later I was officially promoted. If I’d “waited my turn” I would still be working that first job today and making $11k a year less than I make now.
Always say, “please” and “thank you.”
Manners are very important. Please and thank you are no exception to the rule. But you can’t always get what you want with niceties. When I was about 13 I remember my step-dad and his friend doing an “undercover mission” to rescue a dog in the middle of the night. The dog had been chained to a dog house outside for weeks in the bitter cold (I grew up in Maine) and had a very short chain (less than 3 feet) and little food (if any) and water. My dad was convinced the dog would die if he left him there so he approached the owner and asked him if he could please take the dog. The owner said, “no.” and my dad thanked him and left. Several days later the dog disappeared and found a better home. Sometimes when please and thanks don’t work you have to take what you want.
Always ask permission.
Good advice 95% of the time. The other 5% of the time I go with my gut. Have you ever heard that saying it’s better to ask for forgiveness then ask permission? Sometimes when I’m at work and there’s a difficult situation that will involve a lot of “red tape” I do what I know is right and tell my supervisor later. Nothing dangerous or illegal, but sometimes the “rules” get in the way and when you’re dealing with peoples’ health and safety you have to bend the rules slightly. I’m not going to give an example here so not to incriminate myself, but you can probably think of a few examples of when you didn’t follow some sort of policy or rule at work.
Finish everything on your plate.
For many years I was a proud member of the, “clean plate club.” If you’re not familiar, In order to be a, “member” of the club (and get desert) you had to finish all of the food on your plate. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve realized that this advice isn’t that great. I’m all about teaching kids about good nutrition and eating their vegetables, but what about teaching moderation? Maybe the serving size was too large? Or maybe the food wasn’t that good (sorry mom!). Pick eaters and underweight children aside, I think teaching moderation i.e. “stop eating when you’re full.” is probably a much better lesson. Conveniently lessons about moderation are applicable and useful in all areas of life: spending, eating, drinking etc.
**Mom, if you’re reading I love you and most of the time I do listen to your advice. It has largely served me well over the last 31 years and for that I’m thankful-xoxo**
Please chime in here. Have you received any bad advice from your family? Are you a “rule breaker?”
Image: Boklm
